I’ve spent a long time staring at a blank page, wondering how to start this. Writer’s block? Hardly. I’ve had these thoughts and the urge to write them down for so long now. But I’ve always been stopped by the fear of what will happen after I hit publish. Because I’m a woman. And women are opinionated. Not passionate. Not driven or focused. They don’t “share their experiences” with us. They have “opinions”. And then we apologise for them. I‘m always apologising for “rambling on”. Even when I’ve been asked to express my views for an interview or podcast.
So after the Jason Atherton Times article earlier this week, I tried to be a bit measured in my response. I tried not to “over react”. I did repost a few things on instagram. I replied once on Atherton’s explanation, I won’t call it an apology. My comment got close to 200 likes and then was deleted. Strange that. Poppy O’Toole’s comment is thankfully still there though, racking up the likes. But of course as one of the most vocal women in the industry, people are going to notice if her comments mysteriously disappear. At time of writing (always wanted to type that) her own instagram post has 26.2k likes and 1074 comments. I wouldn’t be surprised though if Atherton’s non apology post disappears soon, now that it’s done its job of hoovering up all the negative comments.
My comment? What was it so bad that I had to be deleted? “Sexism isn’t a women’s problem. It’s a people problem”. Not all that eloquent I grant you. But it’s was the best I could do in my heightened state of angst. Jason, or those controlling his social media, and not really doing such a great job if you ask me, didn’t seem to like it. But the conversation has moved on from Atherton. He’s just another man in a position of power.
The silence from other men in the industry is deafening though
Of course not all men. In the past when I’ve seen a post from a man supporting women I will message that man and say “Hey thanks for that. Its appreciated”. This week I messaged abut six men to say thanks. Out of all the men I know and follow in this industry, six of them poked their head above the parapet and said “This isn’t acceptable, this isn’t the industry I want to work in”. These men, mostly young chefs, didn’t just repost somebody else’s post or use crappy emojis in lieu of comment. They used actual words and said, out loud, NO! THIS MUST STOP! They recognise that silence is not acceptable. But sadly they are in the minority.
When on Wednesday the question was posed in The Telegraph “Is this hospitalities #MeToo moment?”, accompanied by a open letter from 70 women in the industry, I briefly thought “Well surely this is going to get some notice?”. And yes it has a bit. Tommy Banks and Calum Franklin have posted so maybe it’ll become the next trendy thing to post about. You know, like a Led by Donkey’s post. But it doesn’t seem to have reached Leeds yet. So far it seems to be me and my twitter / x account. That will be the one that men joke with me about because I express my views on it. I’ve got to the point that when someone says they follow me I laugh and say “sorry about that!”
So I’ve been looking around at those in our city who control the narrative. And they’ve been silent. Usually so eager to tell us their views on the latest food trends and Michelin star predictions. Rating the latest average chain to arrive in Leeds from London. Vocal on where to get the best pint, best pizza, best burger cooked by their best mate who owns a similar business. And yet when a letter is signed by over 70 women in the industry, these men find themselves unable to speak up in support of us. Hiding behind the “it’s not my place to comment”. But as the post says “shitty men only listen to other men.”
Look I get it. The old adage of “yesterday’s news is today’s chip paper” doesn’t ring true anymore. Things hang around on the internet, forever to be brought back up in the comments section of a Jay Rayner review. Speaking out is scary and those carefully built brands can be gone with one tap of the return key. But I encourage you to think about what damage not supporting women does to your brand. I’m afraid guys, a reel on IWD just doesn’t cut it anymore. I want to see more women being interviewed. Hell, I want to see more women doing the interviews. I don’t just want to see them pouring a pint in your bar. I want to see them on your management teams! And I want to see them every day. Not just once a year, like a special on Great British Sandwich Week. I want to read what women think about art & food and venues. I have money and I’m willing to spend it where someone like me tells me to!!!
And so we come full circle back to my own reservations. Am I damaging my own business by speaking out and criticising my peers? Maybe. Sure I’ll get some support from the women who think the same. I already have. But I doubt I’ll get support from those who decide what you can read, watch or listen to. But then I never did. Because when was the last time you saw me being asked by a man with a microphone where my favourite Italian was?
